Learning English with Dr. Moriarty (II)

Hey! here I am again, rock you like a hurricane! Welcome to the favourite section of the Queen Elizabeth the second and her punchy crunchy sweety gayers dogs. Today we have a lively section. We will talk about music. Because with music all is better, it turns everything in something more fluid: learning, cleaning the house, anal sex, kill the bastard that owe you 3.000 pounds... For this cause I have selected some of the most iconic music themes of the Spanish story. (it´s a joke, not a grammar mistake)

We all know the lyrics of these songs in Spanish because they are really famous and for sure you have sing at least one of them in a karaoke, after midnight, drunk as an irish alcohol quality tester priest doing overtime, surrounded by people drunker than you, that cheered every note that you spat up. They saw you losing your dignity, maybe your underwear in front of a bunch of stranger people. So it will be helpful to read those lyrics in English. Your brain will associate both texts and you will learn doing anything!. We will start with one heavyweight star...

King Africa - Bomb!: No, it´s not a member of the Legion of Doom or Natural Disasters although he looks similar to Earthquake or Typhoon. I always thought those boys were twins. He´s not spanish although he probably has eaten more than one or two of our compatriots. He is from Argentina but surprisely he is likeable and kindly as all the fat guys: John Candy, the guy from "The fighting sausage" and me, among others. He became famous with this song, written before the 9/11 terrorists attacks. It is called: Bomb! and, no, it´s not a tribute to Osama Bin Laden (or how it is called now: the new guy in the Snorkels´s ´hood)

On the Internet, music fans discuss about the origin of the lyric. There are people who say that is one of the lost songs of the Beatles (written by Ringo, of course) They reached that conclusion, when, one day, playing with Photoshop, they put together all the Liverpool´s band members and they got... guess what? a humanoid with the shape of King Africa!! You can check it doing the same that those fans. I haven´t see it but I trust them. Why not? They are from the Internet! Anyway, I hope you´ll enjoy the videoclip. If you can watch more than 30 seconds of it, you will win a date with me in the restaurant of your election.

Booooooommmmb! (sensual)
a sensual movement (sensual)
a very sexy movement (sexy)
a very sexy movement (sexy)
and here comes the african with this dance that is one (bomb)
to dance this is a (bomb)
to enjoy this is a (bomb)
to sway this is a (bomb)

And women dance it like this, like this, like this, like this
everybody!
a hand in the head
a hand in the head
a sexy movement
a sexy movement
a hand in the waist
a hand in the waist
a sexy movement
a sexy movement
And now I start to sway.

Softly go down, go down, go down
Softly go up, go up, go up
Softly go down, go down, go down
Softly go up, go up, go up

Bomb (sensual)
a sensual movement (sensual)
a very sexy movement (sexy)
a very sexy movement (sexy)
and here comes the african with the dance that is a (bomb)

To dance this is a (bomb)
To enjoy this is a (bomb)
All the women dance it (bomb)
All men dance it (bomb)
All radio stations play it (bomb)
the discos play it (bomb)
everybody dance it (bomb)

And the women dance this way, this way, this way, this way
everybody!
a hand in the head
a hand in the head
a sexy movement
a sexy movement
a hand in the waist
a hand in the waist
a sexy movement
a sexy movement
And now I start to sway
Softly go down, go down, go down
Softly go up, go up, go up
Softly go down, go down, go down
Softly go up, go up, go up

Sexy, mommy (sensual)
a sensual movement (sensual)
a very sexy movement (sexy)
a very sexy movement (sexy)
and here comes the african man with the dance that is a (bomb)
To dance this is a (bomb)
To enjoy this is a (bomb)

all the women dance it (bomb)
all men dance it (bomb)
all radio stations play it (bomb)
all the discos play it (bomb)
everybody dance it (bomb)

But this tale is finishing, it´s finishing, it´s finishing
It´s finishing, it´s finishing, FINISH HIM
and it´s finishing, it´s finishing, it´s finishing, it´s finishing, finish him
and it´s finishing, it´s finishing, it´s finishing, it´s finishing, finish him
and it´s finishing, it´s finishing, it´s finishing, it´s finishing, finish him

Flawless victory...


Raphael - The Little Drummer: Raphael, the motherfucking badass of the Spanish music industry. The special one, the only one, the chosen one, the man that could have defeated Freddy Mercury in a glamour contest. He sang with Tom Jones once (maybe more but I just have seen him once) and the Tiger of Wales did not understand a shit of what he said but it didn´t matter because his voice was stunning.  It´s possible that if you find him walking in the street you will confuse him with a wax statue, but it´s normal. It´s the price of inmortality.

And here we have him, with the best christmas song of all times, past, present and future: The little drummer. An emotive song about an undercover Mossad agent that travels through the space-time to protect the new Messiah from his palestinian enemies.

The road that leads to Bethlehem,
goes down till reach the snow covered valley,
the Little shepherds want to see their King,
they bring them gifts in their humble pouch,
ropo pom pom, ropo pom pom.
He has born in a stable of Bethlehem,
the child god.

I will like to put on your feet,
a present that will please you, Sir,
but you know that I´m Poor too.
And I don´t have anything but this old drum,
ropo pom pom, ropo pom pom, pom.
In your honor, in front of the stable I will play,
with my drum.

The road that leads to Bethlehem,
I´m marking with my old drum,
There is nothing better that I can offer,
his hoarse accent is a love song,
ropo pom pom, ropo pom pom.
When god saw me playing in front of Him,
he smiled me.


Pablo Alborán - Only you: What can I say about Pablo Alborán? Seriously, I do not have any idea of who the hell is this guy. He looks pretty homosexual but apart from that I could not say anything else. So, I will invent the next sentences. Please dear lawyers, notice that the average fan of the singer will never understand these words. Probably you neither bloodsuckers with impotency problems. Please, don´t sue me. I´m too young to go to jail and too poor to pay more that 34 cents.

He was born in Fuengirola (why not?) three years ago. He is part of an ambitious plan of the European Union to form a superarmy of pop singers destinated to drive mad the female youth and make them prone to have sexual relationships without protection, so the natality levels in the continent will rise in the near future. We have Justin Bieber in France (remember he is canadian), Adele in the UK, Mocedades in Bosnia and Pablo Alborán here. That´s why experts have seen black helicopters near the stadiums where he plays. The secret services of Europe are protecting him from the League of the Heavy hairdressers who wants a world where the girls show their tits without a reason and you can smoke even the geraniums of your mother.

And that´s all I can say about it. His most famous song is this "Only you" and if you are a impressionable teenager under 18, what are you doing here? call me when I won´t go to jail just for give you every inch of my love.

Give me your laughter,
teach me to dream
with only one caress
I´m lost in this sea.

Give me your star (it´s a metaphor of the cunt, in case you did not notice. I just did it now!),
the one that lights this night
full of peace and harmony,
and I´ll give you my life.

You make my sky
blue again,
you paint with colours
my mornings, just you

I sail between the waves of your voice
and you, and you, and you, and only you
You make my soul wakes up with your light
and you, and you, and you,..

Show your wounds so she will heal them
that the whole world know
that your voice keeps a secret
do not mention your name because in the firmament
they are fucking jealous.

Your eyes are glitters
your throat a mystery (apology for deep throat. I´m beginning to appreciate this guy)

You make my sky
blue again,
you paint with colours
my mornings, just you

I sail between the waves of your voice
and you, and you, and you, and only you
You make my soul wakes up with your light
and you, and you, and you, and only you.

You make my soul wakes up with your light
and you, and you, and you,..
do not mention your name because in the firmament
they are fucking jealous.
Your eyes are glitters
your throat a mystery

You make my sky
blue again,
you paint with colours
my mornings, just you

I sail between the waves of your voice
and you, and you, and you, and only you.
You make my soul wakes up with your light
and you, and you, and you...


Melendi - A violinist on your roof: Not related to the famous jewish film. Melendi could be considered the king of the Spanish music. In the line of succesion of the Spanish Royal Family, after the current King Juan Carlos I the Elephant slayer, comes Phillip 6º and his mannequin princess. But after them, Melendi would rule the country with his iron fist covered by a weed glove. Like other well known companies like Nestlé or Milka, he is the living proof that chocolate can change your life. I would like to dedicate this song to Gordi ;)

You are so hard
like the stone of my lighter.
Doubts assault me
about if I love you.
You are as cold as the water
that descend free from the mountain.

And I don´t understand
It was so ephemeral
the walking of your finger on my back drawing a heart
And I ask the sky that understand
These jealousy attacks 
that I suffer if I don´t see you again.

I ask the moon
that light your life.
Because mine it was turned on long time ago.
That it cost me
love you a bit
It´s better not to love you. It will be cheaper.
I´m tired of being the sad violinist on your roof.
Playing for the englishman, always out of tune.

You are as faint
as the light that illuminates my life
The most mature forbidden fruit
So different
And similar
to the storm that took away my life
And I don´t understand.
It was so ephemeral
the walking of your finger on my back drawing a heart
And I ask the sky that understand 
These jealousy attacks 
that I suffer if I don´t see you again.

I ask the moon
that lights your life.
Because mine it was turned on long time ago.
That cost me
love you a bit.
It´s better not to love you. It will be cheaper.
I´m tired of being the sad violonist on your roof.

Playing for the englishman, always out of tune. (bis)
While I rummage in your garbage,
The dwarfs are growing
of this circus that we staged some time ago.

But don´t doubt
I´ll be free very soon.
Because time heals everything.
Because one nail extracts another nail.
Always stay out of tune
While I rummage in your garbage,
the dwarfs are growing 
of this circus that we staged some time ago.


And that´s all. I hope you were delighted by the sweet melodies of these great artists. See you next month with another chapter of Learning English with Dr. Moriarty. And remember, a daily blowjob is healthy for your body and your relationship.

3 comentarios:

  1. I can´t stand Pablo Alborán...

    Can´t stop laughing with the "Little Drummer" translation.

    XXXX

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  2. Great Post!

    Translation: ¡De puta madre!
    XD

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  3. Aaaagh! My previous comment was not published!! What a pity! Anyway, thanks for your comments :)
    XXXX

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